Been exciting week for me here at HQ. I’ve decided to refer to my Atelier as that until I stop binge watching action movies on Netflix. Work has been going well and I’m now acting as a portfolio coach for a friend of mine. Teaching your bullshit is a great way to test if you really understand your bullshit. It does put things into perspective when you say something out loud to another human being who will most likely question your statement. This has all been making me very nostalgic. I remember carrying my over the top sized portfolio bag to my first ever interview for college. The shoulder strap gave me a rash and all I could talk about during my interview was album art. To think I almost got drafted into the illustration program.
Fine Arts has brought me here and look at me now as I paint myself over and over again because feelings. I can’t say I have much of a game plan for the majority of my self portraits. They’re spontaneous and never turn out how I want them to be (not that it’s a bad thing). Rembrandt was said to rarely look into the mirror when he painted his selfies. He knew himself so well and it shows in his work. People have asked me why I don’t paint models in the way that I paint myself and I feel it’s because I don’t know them “internally”. When I feel however way I feel, I can lock in on it and translate it directly. Feeling what another person’s intimate emotions and translating that is a bit more complicated, plus not many people want to be painted in a negative/unflattering light. Maybe I just haven’t met my muse yet? Who knows, but until then I have me, myself, and I.
We live in a time where it really is about showing other people how happy we are. You know what I’m talking about. Open your Instagram and you’ll find people smiling, great dinner spreads, fancy places, etc. I feel the act of being vulnerable is becoming unintentionally more and more discouraged in our society. People need to know that it’s okay to feel bad and that we all feel it. Life isn’t gum drops and rainbows to the sound of The Beach Boys. I’m not saying it doesn’t suck being in a low point or feeling crap, but I’m saying that it should be acceptable and not hidden away. Embrace it and remember you’re human. It’s okay to work it out and express it. I put my feelings out on the line every time I show a painting. Don’t call it bravery, I’m just living.