When painting feels like warfare, that’s when it becomes worth it. We’re deep in the trenches of painting these days. I haven’t posted anything because I really don’t want to look at it while I’m back home. I don’t hate the commission, it’s just that it’s at the stage where I need to plow through it while holding back my creative need to express myself.  The commission makes me wonder about changing my realist style. After mixing the same skin tones and following the same process, why shouldn’t I try something new? I can’t promise a masterpiece but I do know a door will open.As I’m a strategist with the brush, I apply the same methods to my thoughts.  I like what I’m doing, but I need to finish what’s on my plate before I can have dessert. Fun Fact: I used to eat at the dessert part of the buffet first when I was a kid. If you don’t believe me , go look at any old photo of me. Anyways,there’s a lot I want to try in the near future. We don’t see all our freedom until it seeps through the bars in front of our eyes.


I’ve also been working with a photographer recently. Collaborating with artists of all sorts of mediums is great. Remember that time I did a contemporary dance video? What the fuck does Cabba know about any of that? Not much of anything, but it was beautiful. It still feels weird to me being documented by someone. I’ve noticed I’ve gotten more comfortable with spectators and people instagraming me. You want to capture me when I’m most natural and I try hard not to just fake it and vogue for you. As an artist who does portraits, I like observing how others chose to place me and how they control light. While you’re making your composition, I’m being a weirdo staring at you while pretending to be in your head. I do hope for the sake of the story and my own amusement I get to encounter those fashion photographers who really get into the shoot. The type of people that take their shirts off and scream because it’s getting so intense. Screw it, I’m going to paint like that from now on.

Once the portrait commission is finished, I’ll have more of my freedom again. And by that time, it’ll be close to Christmas and that means I’ll be out of the studio making me hungrier to paint. Its literally creative cock teasing.